Waitresses After many hours of research in an uncountable number of restaurants and diners, I feel the need to alert the public about a threat to mental health that has gone unchecked long enough. I am, of course, talking about waitresses and the misery they can turn a simple meal into. Hopefully, this study of the different types of waitresses will lead the way to further study and possibly to the elimination of this threat. The first type of waitress is common to fast food establishments and can be identified by their pert little uniforms of bright colors. This type of waitress does not truly serve you, but simply takes your order and presents you with what is being sold as food. Their attitude is nonexistent, since they rarely stop dreaming about boyfriends or parties long enough to get your order straight. If you wish to examine the fast food waitress further, I suggest that you pull your car into any of the many drive-thurs now in vogue. Just as common as the fast food waitress is the diner frau. These can be found in greasy spoons all across the country and can be recognized not by the uniform they wear, but by their general unkempt appearance. They greet you with a "What-ill-ya-have?" and then proceed to tell you the only thing still available on the menu. They have the attitude that if you do not find something to your liking, you can leave. If you study this type further, be sure that you leave a tip early in the meal or be prepared to wear your dinner for the rest of the evening. The third type of waitress, known as the barfly, is far more dangerous than either of those studied so far. They can be found in about half the bars in the country and are by far the easiest to recognize. You cannot miss them. Their dress attracts the eye of every male patron in the place. Since their service is limited to drinks and an occasional sandwich, they rely mostly on their looks and personality to earn their tips. The fact that your Jim Beam and Seven-Up is pink and tastes like a Sloe-Gin Fizz is no reason to panic. They will be happy to return it and have the bartender mix you a fresh one. After the bartender has mixed about four fresh drinks for you and you are presented with the check, you realize the barfly is not speaking very clearly anymore and you have been buying the drinks. Warning; the study of this type can prove hazardous to your physical, as well as, mental health. Drinking can be habit forming. The hardest type to identify is found in restaurants and supper clubs. These are the professionals. Their dress and general appearance give no clue. Their friendly personalities and truly helpful attitudes tend to lull the customer into a false sense of security. They take your order promptly and will serve you a good hot meal; moreover, they will return time and time again throughout the meal in order to check on your progress and hurry you along. They will watch and wait for you to take a large bite of something, before approaching the table on these visits, so you cannot possibly give them an answer to their question "Is everything all right?". This will cause you to bolt down the meal and provide an empty table for the next sucker to come along. The professionals gather large and frequent tips because of their caring attitude and further study is not recommended due to the cost involved. The future will, no doubt, hold many more types of waitresses which will require study and this report is not to be considered final. (c) 1984 Scott Brumbaugh X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm) & the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845 Rat Head Ratsnatcher 510-524-3649 Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766 realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 415-567-7043 Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 415-583-4102 Specializing in conversations, obscure information, high explosives, arcane knowledge, political extremism, diversive sexuality, insane speculation, and wild rumours. ALL-TEXT BBS SYSTEMS. Full access for first-time callers. We don't want to know who you are, where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother. "Raw Data for Raw Nerves" X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X